During this time of the year, as we turn toward gratitude, I want to offer my thanks to all the solo moms out there.
You are a MF-ing spiritual warrior.
I see you reading all the books about divorce, books about helping your children through divorce, books about how to heal after divorce.
I see you planning and preparing for holidays, making each one special in its own way.
I see you keeping your energy tame around your ex in front of the children.
I see you diligently crafting those emails, staying in your power, not inciting your ex even when he blatantly disrespects you.
I see you waking up earlier than your kids to enjoy your five minutes of coffee and peace.
I see you meal prepping, grocery shopping, doing the dishes and laundry, all to provide a loving home.
I see you turning off cable to free up some funds for your kids soccer uniform.
I see you googling ways to start a side hustle so you can still be at home with your children as much as possible.
I see you supporting other mamas through online groups, offering playdates, sending care packages.
I see you feeling your anger, disregarding their attacks on your feelings, and channeling it into setting clearer boundaries.
I see you struggling at bath time, exhausted from work, the work of mothering, the weight of the world, and that mom guilt that says you aren’t doing enough.
I see you feeling powerless in a society that does not value “women’s work” or the work of caretaking of others.
I see you sculpting the best story that highlights how much your ex loves your children when he doesn’t show up for his parenting time.
I see you mentally toil in the higher ideals of fairness and justice and how you strive to implement those ideals in your life.
I see you surrendering to the belief that at least they are good to my children when your ex brings home a new person.
I see you trying to find time to nurture your self, to find what feels nourishing to yourself, to seek out things that make you feel you again.
I see you fight back the tears when sadness suddenly hits you because your child says, “I miss daddy.”
I see you scrambling trying to find quality child care just so you can take a well-deserved break from mothering.
I see you breaking out of the myth of the “perfect mother” and standing tall in your ability to be real.
I see you praying that your children are safe with they are without you.
I see you grappling with your ex’s accountability, yet it breaks your heart to not be the primary parent in some ways.
I see you straining to find the words to tell the world about your experiences, about the paradoxes of being a single mother, about your struggles to be a mom and hold your own unique identity.
I see you so very close to embodying your personal power, knowing that seeking out your worth is messy and unnerving, yet you keep coming back to it.
I see you and your work.
I see you and your energy.
I see you and your heart.
May you see it and unburden yourself from all the heaviness of doing it all alone.
May you come to know your own dignity, self-awareness, your willingness to grow, trusting the value you bring to the world.
May you revel in all that you do, holding your hand to your heart, saying a little prayer of gratitude toward yourself.
May we all see you.